Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
