now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
