You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
