I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
