Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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