My hand turned me down
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
