I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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