His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You took a bar mat shot.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
