This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
