Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
