reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone came in the potted fern
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
