I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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