My pussy is not your playground.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize