i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize