definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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