I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
