I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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