i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize