Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
