I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
