I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
