Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
