Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
