I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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