What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
