hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize