I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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