im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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