I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
