I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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