She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
