I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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