he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
