I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
