I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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