I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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