I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
