walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was like eating out sand paper
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
