There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize