Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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