my shit smells like andre
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You're like the curious george of whores
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize