I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
