There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Your penis caused this!
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