You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
