I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
