school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
