There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
