I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
