1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
