Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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