If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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