you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
