In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
