sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
