The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize