You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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