when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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