Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
