Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
