I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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