I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
