how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
