i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
