Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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