My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do herpes really smell.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
