Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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