I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
