i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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