Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
