I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
