I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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