Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize