I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
