Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
