i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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