Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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